We
sometimes hear that we have 7 lives. Well, in fact, I’m living my 5th life.
Being 5 years old I almost died from an acute peritonitis. Then, the birth of my eldest child was quite a challenge. Without science, I could also have left this world with the birth of my third one who was born with a C section (Cesarian) as she was a breach baby.
Living a bonus
After the wake up call of Cancer, I felt that I was now living a bonus. That’s what often happens when you face death. Some people didn’t have that opportunity, and I feel that being a “survivor” comes with some responsibilities.
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I
probably always had that urge in me to enjoy every single day of my life. It is
a blessing to open the eyes in the morning.
Everyday,
we are given an opportunity to learn, do good, love, build memories and teach
what we know.
I don’t know what is my purpose in life, what could be my legacy. Nevertheless, I feel that I have no time for hater, I have no time to waste.
A
psychologist would probably say that I go through a kind of Cancer post
traumatic syndrome. Yep. Maybe. Surely.
Someone
who never went through a live changing experience might not get it.
How Cancer increased my thirst for life?
Well,
let me try to explain…
First, the Cancer diagnosis, you are told that you have a life threatening illness. Some lucky ones like me that made it through thanks to today’s medicine. It doesn’t mean that it was easy. Actually, you are caught into a race or better said, a marathon that will take every single bit of strength and energy, mentality and physically. No time to think.
Then, hopefully, you’ll be told the treatment is completed and here comes the contradictions. This is the post Cancer phase. When you should be happy but you need to watch out…. there are still risks of relapse. So Doctors tell you to live your life and not to worry. And they will check on you, regularly. And you have the stress of scan and blood test results. Every single time.
So,
you wish to move on but not as easy as it seems.
Survivorship challenges
Also, comes another “problem” as highlighted recently by a friend. How to move on and leave behind the dear friends we made in the way that are still in treatment? Survivorship comes with guilt in some cases. Maybe this is one of the reason, most of us feel the need, the urge to give back to the community who helped us.
Then, for some the trauma was such that it is hard to feel part of the same groups than “before”. We belong to the Cancer community, moving on or not. The scars are there.
So, for many of us, there is a sense of urgency. To enjoy to the fullest that bonus. To honor the ones who did not make it. As a sign of gratitude. And for ourselves. Just in case.
All about Now.
It might sound exhausting but not really if it is not pathological. At least in my case, Cancer also taught me acceptance and the importance of living the present. If you read previous blog posts, you will remember that it was part of my chemo and treatment approach. One day at a time. It didn’t change.
I
make sure I have no regret. No procrastination. That drives me insane. Let’s
put that way, if I always waited to do or try something, I do. Now.
