My Scanxiety Journal

If I am a sensitive soul, I tend to be a resilient person and managed quite well my Cancer journey so far… except the scanxiety associated to PET Scans.

I am not saying it was easy but listening to my body and emotions, I could overcome quite reasonably the hurdles. Today, I support as much as possible patients around me, and decided to take a life coach certification to accompany people through transformational phases of their life. Still, I recently realized that the journey wasn’t fully over and I needed help myself. I would like to share what I learnt and how I dealt with an awful scanxiety episode.

It all started last November, in a classroom with my fellow Coaching trainees.

The facilitator asked for a volunteer to demonstrate a protocol on emotions and that was me. I eventually, took the scanxiety related to my upcoming January PET Scan as example thinking it would be an easy one. In fact, I burst into tears. A wave of panic hidden deep inside that I had refused to acknowledge so far.

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I am not Sporty, but felt the urge to keep my body active

When I hear fit, I clearly imagine people in shape, running in the coolest sport outfit available. Basically, not me. I am not sporty, not in “that” shape and I would only consider running in case of fire…. In fact, the only physical activity I like is yoga and I practice it for the peace of mind it brings me.

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Chemo & co

Chemotherapy is one of the main treatments used for Cancer and a scary word for many patients.

Actually, there are many types of chemo drugs used, several objectives (before surgery to reduce a tumor, post to reduce reoccurrence, palliative to soften the progression of Cancer), various protocols and different ways of administrating it. Medical oncologists generally follow international protocols depending on the exact diagnosis of each patient (area to treatment, cancer staging etc.).

What to expect? What about the side effects? Does it hurt?

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Hair

When you say Cancer, hair loss comes quite fast in the conversation.

Brunette since 1974

I was born with hair. Dense brunette hairy baby. The Latino side of me I suppose.

I had a bowl seventies cut, then in the 80s a square with fringe, no fringe, long straight hair and later in my teens the wavy perm version of it (omg). I said yes to hubby with long straight hair in a bun and cut them shorter after each kid but it always on a square haircut base.

On April 15th 2018, on my post lumpectomy appointment the surgeon told me that I had to have chemo. Who knows maybe my hair won’t fall.

The oncologist would later tell me that it would be 8 dense dose chemo sessions (2 cycles of 4 sessions). All the 3 drugs used, being known for their aggressive effect on hair. I would be bald.

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Kintsugi

Accepting our mended body & soul

Some time back, in one of my google micro-moments, I landed on that inspirational image. It might be destiny, karma, luck, coincidence… never mind it resonated.

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